Fighter

Just for keepsake/memory

23/5/2012

So today i’ve made my final decision and went ahead to apply for SIM University of London (UOL) ‘s Bachelor of Science (Hons) in Management course. 

Today’s also the day which my NUS status was updated.
Yeap, 3 rejections.
I don’t know about you but you who’s reading this might look down on me, or wondering why i even bother to post it up.
But one day, one day i know i’m gonna look back on this post and know that i didn’t make the wrong decision, and truly i’ve stepped out of my valley and conquered it all to emerge victorious once more.

Everyone around me, upon hearing my decision told me one thing, ‘Appeal’, when i said i don’t want to, even after explaining why, they said ‘just try’, ‘no harm’. 

So here’s the reason why.
No.1, I did appeal, i appealed for NTU sociology but hey i gotta be realistic, my chances aren’t that high.
No.2 I really don’t want to enter a school just for the prestige or just because it sounds good anymore. Yes i agree, the local unis might result in more career opportunities and it’s not all about the name and prestige. But i believe if i work hard and graduate with good results, i wont lose out much too, will i? Thiss a lesson i learnt the hard way during and after my 2 years in VJ. Yes, i got many compliments for going into a good school, and yes it felt good everytime someone asks what school i was from and when i said Victoria JC they’d be like wow or anything like that. But i’ve learnt from this mistake. Look at my results now, there’d be so many other people from the other JCs who did better than me and truly i think they are the ones whom really deserves the compliments, praises and commendation. They are the ones who really did the people around them proud and really won the victory. So i really don’t want to, for example, appeal for NUS real estate or something, and even if i’m successful in appealing, be studying something i’ve no confidence or less interest in for the next 4 years. I don’t want to fall into that same mistake again. 

Yes SIM UOL might not be the best school, it might not be amongst the 3 local unis, but at least, i’ll have a choice, i can choose to study something of interest. And because i’ve been through this setback, knowing how bad results can really adversely affect my future, and how i’ve disappointed my parents, i’m going to work so much harder, come back stronger, so i’ll not let my parents down again. With hard work, passion and determination, i know that i’ll be able to do well. And at the end of the day, hold my head high once more and said i’ve been through it, i’ve worked through it, and i’ve made it. 

It’s amazing how i came from being so against SIM, to being drawn to it, and finally settling with it. What’s more amazing is how it started from a dream. It was a random night, a random dream of just me talking to a church friend about SIM, and i remember how in that dream i felt SIM was so feasible. So i went online to check it out and i actually found out it wasn’t as expensive as people said it to be, and indeed there were courses i’d really be interested in. Truly enough it would be feasible.

All this time i’ve been praying for God to make a way and create a miracle for me to enter one of the local unis. But through this process, He has moulded me, to see and look at the bigger picture. I remember a friend told me, ‘you’re praying for God to create a miracle for you to enter NUS, but i’m praying, that God will reveal His plans to you.’ Truly, now i’m believing that He has a plan for placing me where i’m going to be. That that dream was not just a coincidence, but an answer to my prayers. Today a very good friend of mine told me how she’d support my decision and that she’s proud of me, for not choosing fame or name, but even if it means the harder way, work through it to achieve my dreams. She told me that God’ll definitely grant both of us the blessings where He has placed us. And today, i can safely say that i know and i know things will just get better from here. 

‘Every cloud has a silver lining’
Not ideal A level results, rejected from local unis.
It’s alright, i’ll fight, and come back stronger. There’s no victory without defeat, i’m not gonna be beaten by this, and this, shall serve as my motivation, to never give up in uni.

I’m pretty excited, i’m about to be a uni student soon!!! How awesome is that! :) Plus, others might not understand, but for people like me, i’ve been through the possiblity of not being able to continue my education. So all the more i treasure it now, and understand how much of a privilege it is to even study. To have the opportunity, the financial ability, and i’m truly thankful. I’m gonna treasure this chance i have, and not let it slip away like i did before.

They said there’s a reason if God closes doors, but He’ll definitely leave one open, the one He has planned for you. Today i’m trusting, today i’m standing up, and fighting again. Today, i just pray for Your favor, grace and mercy to be with me every step of the way, that things will go smoothly from here. Thank You for moulding me through this process and letting me see how this is not the end. Today i just pray that friends, family and loved ones would support this decision of mine and see my heart, that i’ve my reason for choosing not to appeal.

Few years down the road, i hope if i chance upon this blog post or when i look back, i can say that i do not regret my decision, and i’d be able to say dad, mum, i’ve made it. :’)

Beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel,
Realizing it’s been there all the while,

Step by step,
I’m walking out of the dark,

With a little faith,
With a little hope,

A little change of perspective,
And a little positivity,

There’ll always be a way out
Believe,
And be strong 

Today we talked, Today you told me how much y’all cared, Today I told you a portion of what’s been on my mind

Heavy burden, Lightened

I know y’all are there, And it’s not that I’m not aware/ But some roads, I’ve just got to walk on my own

And ‘til that day comes I’ll just have to be Waiting

I’m sorry

The time will soon come.

To pass it over, Lay it down,
Turn around.

In need of a friend, in need of a comforter,
In need of a direction.

They say, people only learn how to treasure,
After things are lost.

I can’t help but wonder, what would be the faces,
What would be the reactions.

Genuine concern, Genuine love,
Genuine care?

We’ll only know, then. 
Lost. 

Uncertain future.

Uncertain thoughts.

Uncertain heart.

Broken.

Won’t anyone see the pain,

Won’t anyone hear the cries,

Won’t anyone feel the tears.

Broken.

What if one day we just walked away,
what if one day we just disappeared,
what if one day we turned around and never looked back.

What would people say?
What would people think?
What would people do?

Genuine concern.
Genuine love.
Genuine care.

Lost in adversity.
People giving up on others in adversity.
Judging? Opinions? A different eye?

We’ll only know, then.